tell me.

so many friends and families out there told me to move on.
i felt like i am moving on
i tried.
and i am no longer in the state of mourning.
Alhamdulillah.

I do realize the changes that evolves in my world
but i have no idea about the causes.

i could still sense the sadness from the bottom of my broken heart.
yet, i cant even express it.

sedih
kecewa
rindu
marah
sayang

its mixed.
i dont even know whether im strong enough and how far is my strength and patience.

the truth is, saya tak tahu saya sebenarnya dah move on sejak arwah pergi or i am just missing the memories created.

tell me.
help me.

kadang kadang, bila rasa diri dah move on, mesti dia datang dalam mimpi.
mungkin untuk mengingatkan.
mungkin aku yang menidakkan.

walau cukup ku sedari, kau takkan kembali.

hello. :)

setahun dah i left this  blog without saying a word.
sawang dah bloggie baby.
mianhe.

i just dont know what to write.

life?
sometimes it gets better.
sometimes not.
sometimes i felt like im far behind from life.
sometimes i felt like im moving forward to life.

so many things have changed.
ive changed too.
Alhamdulillah.

i used to think that ive matured enough but actually im far distant from the reality.

still a baby. a cry baby. a weak baby.

well now, at least, i dont show it to many people.
malu lah.

somehow, there must be a little things that had given me lessons.
umur dah 22.
mesti la dah matang sikit dari dulu kan. kan. kan?

i hope so.  :*

Le quote

“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” 

― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

the pain and the love still there

Ku kesali diriku tuk menyayangi mu

Kata manismu membuat aku percaya kamu

Tak pernah sekalipun membelakangimu

Sumpah setiaku hanya untuk hanya dirimu

Mengapa kau berubah

Cobalah untuk setia

Dan hanya memendam rasa

Tiada kasih tiada cinta

Biarkan aku terus terluka

Biarkan aku terseksa

Sampai bila pun tiada gunanya kau hanya kan mendapat

going no where.

Makbulkan Doaku Wahai Allah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku,

Ampunkan segala dosaku dan dia Ya Allah.

Tempatkan dia dikalangan para syuhadahmu,

dikalangan orang orang beriman,

Luaskan kubur dan berilah cahaya didalamnya,

Jauhkanlah dia dari diseksa azab kuburmu,

Peliharalah keluarga dan keturunannya.

Ya Allah,

Aku maafkan dia keranamu Ya Allah.

Aku halalkan segalanya Ya Allah.

Bantulah aku hapuskan segala rasaku kepadanya.

hapuskan rasa rinduku.

hapuskan rasa saayangku.

aku ta sanggup dia terseksa kerana aku ya Allah.

Aku redha atas segala dugaanmu.

Aku bersyukur atas segala yang kau berikan.

 Kuatkan aku Ya Allah.

Kuatkan imanku.

Tabahkan hatiku.

Perbanyakkan sabarku.

Tenangkan Kalbuku.

Terangi jiwaku.

Amin.

Rest in peace Sweetheart

sayang.
Dont you get worry about me.
i've been growing up since the day you left.
im mature enough to accept the fact that you've gone.

like what you wanted before.
like what you've keep babling about how immature i was.
i've changed.
Alhamdulillah.

Maybe this is the good things when you left.

why baby.
why did you left.
janji nak kahwin dengan i kan sayang.
kenapa tak tunggu i?
lagi 2 tahun je i habis sayang.

and till now i stil tertanya kenapa you buat macam tu dekat i and kak zura.
apa salah kitorang sayang?
apa plan you?

we both love you very much.
she loves you.
and i love you too.
i love you very much ever since we've known.
6 years sayang.
i couldnt bear the pain.
the pain from loving you.
its killing me day and night sayang.
sumpah sayang i tak tipu.
i ta pernah tipu you.

remember what you said before?
'sayang you, sabar you, setia you. dah cukup membahagiakan i.'
and im glad that you were happy to be with me.
i tak menyesal sebab i've already gave my best for our relationships.
i've tried my best sayang.
Alhamdulillah.


orang kata perasaan marah akan melebihi perasaan sayang kan.
tapi.
i just dont know why.
perasaan sayang i pada you ta terjejas pun.
i kept telling you about curang and sailang and sort of.
sebab i had the instinct about you doing it.
even you punya janji manis and kata kata tu meyakinkan.
but still i dapat rasa.
maybe tu petunjuk dari Allah

im just hoping that you're doing just fine.
before you pergi you buat banyak kerja and penat kan?
now its time for you to rest.
rest well sayang.
Insyaallah i will recite for you.
even bukan hari hari.
but i will.

Arwah Megat Marwan bin Ismail
12 sept 1989-26 aug 2012

Your love remains

Though we'll always be apart

Locked forever in a dream

If I ever love again

Even then, nothing will change

Dear baby

In the sunlight of your smile
In the summer of our life
In the magic of love
Storms above scattered away

Lovers dreaming in the night
Reaching for paradise
But as the dark shadows fade
Love slips away

Built To Last by Melee

I've looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where you are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst
and most of all it's built to last.

sometimes

sometimes im strong.
sometimes im weak.

sometimes i can accept it.
sometimes i just cant.

sometimes i laugh.
sometimes i cried.